I’m single and that’s how I want to be

I need time to focus and master me.

I need time.


Like I’m a Slave Master

When they say you don’t know where you are going unless you know where you are coming from, they aren’t kidding! According to Facebook, on this day five years ago I discovered that my great great great grandfather, Thomas Bond born in 1790, was a slave master that hooked up with his slave.

This totally changed my perspective on being ‘black.’ I often reflect on how my name in a translation means the Black Bond, the Black Unity. What a delicate irony that my name comes from this slave master! That’s literally MY family and a part of who I am!  I feel like it increased my openness and actually changed my perspective because it was the TRUTH. Period.

They have documents on​ that connected me to family trees who knew my grandpa and of course I researched each person’s version of what my grandfather’s family’s story was along with what pieced together for me. was supported with documents from each census dating back so many hundreds of years, with marriage and divorce documents, birthday and death certificates, military documents and even have slave documents (I can’t recall exactly what they were named, as this was now 5 years ago.) It was so real. So dope.

I am a mix of the oppressor and the oppressed, the coding that flows through my blood is a mix of that.  It caused me to ponder what was the fundamental message about that connection in my family and what did I think could be the culprit of such a difference between a slave master and a slave.  What could between the difference between two people that in the same token could unite and ultimately create me.

I think the culprit of that difference is POWER. In my so humble opinion, I don’t think a lot of us take the time to really rationalize our irrational behavior/thoughts/feelings, we want to be right more than we want the TRUTH to be right and we become foolish.

There is this power struggle between what the real truth is and us being right, even if us being right sacrifices the truth. We cannot be so consumed with power that we rationalize a FEELING without any knowledge/understanding backing it up or impartiality to the other side.  That’s not the truth, that is an irrationally supported feeling because there was no research to discover the fundamental, universal truth.

The wrongness of slavery then and even today the low level of tolerance for people like me has so many VALUABLE lessons to learn from it . Also as is with the struggle between Hitler and the Jews, the Gypsies, the Slavic people, Communists, Socialists, Jehovah’s Witnesses, homosexuals and more. 

The struggle between Jozef Stalin and the estimated 23 million who died under his reign especially. Stalin was a horrible leader who led 10 million people to die and then ordered a great purge out of paranoia and killed 10-13 million more because of his FEAR that they were against him, which the people had a right to be leary of a leader who led 10 million people to die. 

Between Hitler and Stalin an estimated 40 million people died. Power. 

The one/group with the power is not always right and their actions are sometimes completely irrational and have NO impartiality to the other side.
I think we need more self-evaluation and less self-righteousness. We need an understanding that the only real thing is the feeling. Our feelings are the energies that flow through us.  We are an expression of that energy. We need the truth to be evident. We need more positivity and influence.  We need more love and more unity. We need consciousness AND contribution.


Good Girl vs Bad Girl

August 14, 2015

My friends say that I act like a boy,
It’s hard to be vulnerable, too scared to lose my joy
from being neglected like a black raggedy Ann toy.

I don’t like being disrespected. Flat out.
I don’t like when I’m being tested. Flat out.
I don’t like it especially when feelings are vested.
The Devil in my presence, has me feeling rejected.

The enemy in my mind, like girl don’t you get it?!
You aren’t worth the effort like girl don’t you get it?!
Seeing the good in people is pointless, don’t you get it girl?!
Stop being governed by your soul, be relentless girl.
You see?! Being good, with good intentions is pointless girl.
If people make you feel worthLESS, is it worth it girl?!

So take your talents south in this cold cold world.
I think you’re gonna need some heat before your heart’s ice cold.

And then I pause for a minute like hell? no, no, no, no
How could I respect myself acting like what I loathe?!
Someone who doesn’t love life, so they  become the asshole,
Never mind the let downs, they happen on this road,

Always Stay true to the God in you, so that you have self-love.
Remember what loved ones have told you from the skies above,
Philippians 4:13, favorite verse of a Diva.
Even though I don’t remember much, hell, towards the end you didn’t either,
I could at least try to live up to good stories of my grandma Eva.
Or a respected wife and mother like her niece named Eva,
just because you’re in an artificial, superficial era
doesn’t mean you should be reluctant to go deeper.

This isn’t about being a visceral ego
This is about freeing and sailing your soul.
And if you know what’s best, you’ll stick to what you know,
Stick to the feeling, it’s about more than love ya know?!

Chase your dreams that are waiting for you….


ADHD took over.


Every Tribulation is a Lesson!

August 9, 2015

Somehow I tripped over a mistake that I thought I was prepared enough to avoid.
When I tripped, I stayed down and decided that the low I’d just enjoy
Now I see where I went wrong, just trying to enjoy the ride
It took me being pulled to the side to realize that I was no longer reaching for the skies

That foolishly trying to change the vibe of my environment,
Changed me, I guess I needed more discernment.

I am committing to my faith to the God in me
And changing my potential to be all I can be.
Sitting on these blessings has been a burden to me,
Bipolar behaviors and crazy anxiety.

I read that ‘crazy’ people often feel like a chosen one,
He was giving me all these beautiful ideas but I guess I lacked the confidence for every one.
They say don’t tell people your dreams because they will shoot them down,
All the while forgetting about small minds from small towns.

If God speaks to you, then you is all you need.
Don’t feel down because your lack of support from family,
The lack of confidence that they have is from reciprocity.
If you’re waiting on a bandwagon, you may wait forever, you see?!
If you BELIEVE in yourself, seize the opportunity,
And when things start to come to fruition, quickly they’ll be bandwagoners, you’ll see.

Don’t let the energy from others be a chain reaction,
Link up with others with the same passion,
maybe there will you find some satisfaction.

If you have a plausible idea then make it happen,
If you have a crazy idea, then make it happen.
If you have a simple, practical idea then make it happen.
Happiness is who you are when you make your dreams happen.